I am a mother.
I am a thirty something.
I am a Yorkshire lass.
I am a chronic illness sufferer.
I am a sensitive soul.
I am an idiot at times.
I am gullible.
I am naive.
I am ferocious.
I am creative.
I am passionate.
I am ambitious.
I am not a blogger. At least not for now.
For six long years blogging has been a major part of my identity. It has given me purpose. It has give me focus. It has given me a sense of pride. It has made me confident. It has brought friendships. It is the only thing I have ever stuck to and one of the few things I remained passionate about. It gave me a place to record every memory. It gave me a place to offload. It gave me a voice. And now it feels like that is lost somewhere. One more thing stolen by this illness. One more battle lost.
For a few months now things have not been right. My head has been too busy for my body to keep up with. I've spent too much time in bed and too many hours trying to stop my brain from it's endless cycle. I have been fighting to keep up to it all, to retain my normality as much as possible, refusing to give in or back down.
But I can't keep it up anymore. Something has to give.
I am so angry and so, so sad to lose this part of me. But I want to be there, to be present in my own life, and be awake long enough to watch my children grow and spend time with my husband, family and friends.
So with a heavy heart I am giving up this part of me, the thing I said I never would do. Hopefully it won't be for long, but it must be until I feel I have enough left to give. So this is a bit of a goodbye to anyone that reads this little part of the Internet world. Hopefully I will be back, we will see what the future holds.
