On Wednesday I am having surgery. It is something I have wanted to have since I was fourteen. I always felt different and really struggled with the limitations I had. Finally I will be stripped of the frames I have been oppressed by all these years. Yes, I am having laser eye surgery.
Well, that is the hope. I was supposed to have it last September, and even went in for the procedure. Unfortunately I had a bad cold and it had gone into my eyes so they couldn't do the surgery. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant with Baby J. Maybe it was fate? Over the years though I have had the money for the surgery a couple of times, but for one reason or another that money came and went and I never got it done. I'm hoping this time it the time for me.
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| Pregnant with Baby Boy and so unable to have the surgery |
I have worn glasses since I was eight, from one day sat in a pub and my parents asked me to read some license plates of car in the car park, and I couldn't. I always hated them, I just don't suit them, in my opinion. It might have all been in my head but as soon as I put them on I felt like a geek, and that feeling hasn't changed. You can't see my eye make-up when I wear them so I don't feel nice. Certain things just don't look right when I wear them, like hats or headbands. It doesn't matter if I make my hair perfect or dress in my best outfit, I still feel ugly when I wear them.
Over the years I've had some pretty bad run-ins with various frames. From super-thick lenses to massive round frames that make me look like an owl. Mr H can't contain himself when he looks at some of my school photos. I just cringe with the shame of it. What were my parents thinking letting me leave the house like that??
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| What was I thinking? |
My eyesight is pretty bad: -4.50 and -5.00. I am short sighted, which means I can see things close up but not far away. Basically anything more than a foot from my nose is a blur. I can't make out TV, signs, even faces. Add to that I have an astigmatism which affects my sight in the dark and I get a glare from lights, which makes driving a strain. Mr H, with his 20/20 vision, struggles to comprehend my lack of clear sight and often tries to blur his eyes to see how I feel. I think if you have perfect eyesight you can't really comprehend walking around in a constant world of blur.
At the age of fourteen I was allowed to try contact lenses, and I didn't look back. Finally I could leave the house every day not feeling like a freak and I felt that after years of glasses and braces I was finally blossoming. Nowadays I don't wear them quite as much. They make my eyes dry and tired so this is probably a good thing, and because I've known for a few months now that the surgery would be possible I have put my lenses to rest more and more. Now in the last few days before my surgery, I have had to give them up for good. Hopefully, for a while at least until old age sets in, I can throw the plastic aids away. I can't wait for my glasses to follow!
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| An improvement, but I still feel ugly |
Now, I'm not implying that glasses don't suit everyone, this is just the way I feel. For years now it hasn't been my biggest ambition to get rid of the things and finally the end seems in sight. I am nervous about the surgery, they are operating on one of your most precious parts of your body, but I trust that I will be in good hands and at the end of it all will have the result I've always wanted. To be able to wake up in the morning and see the world clearly will be the most amazing feeling for me.
