It's been a long old time since I properly sat down and wrote a post on here, over a year probably. Unless you live on the moon you will be well aware of the unprecedented times of the last four months and the lockdown of the UK, amongst most countries in the world. I thought I would share how that has gone for us as a family, if for no other purpose than to look back on in years to come.
As a chronic fatigue sufferer, one of my hardest emotional struggles is the feeling of guilt. I am not the person I once was and my mind really struggles with that thought and so there are many times when I let people down.
Chronic Fatigue is a debilitating illness which will change your daily life completely. Some days you may feel on top of things and managing your symptoms well, however there will also be bad days when you struggle to move, are in pain and feel like you just don't know how to go on. I've put together a few tips I've come across in the six years of being diagnosed with the hope these will help you when you're having a bad day.
As someone with a chronic illness, I know that getting outdoors is both a huge challenge and an important thing to do. Add the cold and varying weather temperatures, Autumn can be a difficult time of year to get outside. Finding a balance between getting some vitamin D and not overdoing it isn't easy. I also have a little sausage dog who adores her walks and whilst my husband does the majority of them, it is a joy for me to be able to go along with them and watch her skipping in delight at all the pleasures of walking outdoors. I thought I'd put together a few tips for getting outdoors in Autumn that I have come across over the years, which can enable people with chronic fatigue to enjoy their walks without overdoing it.
It has been fourteen months since I wrote this post and said goodbye to blogging. At the time things were all too much and I couldn't manage to keep up with every in my day to day life, let alone throw blogging on top of that. Whilst I gave up blogging, I still uploaded to YouTube as much as I could, yet by January this year that had pretty much stopped.
I'd like to say things have become easier since then and that is why I've decided to write again, but it's not. Everything it still pretty hard going and managing chronic fatigue is definitely a challenge that most days I don't feel I'm up to. Yet here I am.
I'm not making a plan, and I'm not committing, but I do feel very lost and lonely in this life - at home in bed a lot of the time with little to keep me company, and I have missed writing. I find it helps me process with things and I also want to be able to share my life in some form or another, even if it is only for me or the children to look back on one day.
So here I am, tapping my fingers on the keys, trying to get my words out of my stuffed up head. Whilst my CFS therapist disagrees, this year has felt like one of the worst I can remember and it really gets me down. I have spent far too many hours in bed, sleeping or just wishing for it so I can get away from trying to cope. This blog will see a change too as I move away from parenting two little children to being a mum of more independent and grown children and wanting to share more about my own life. I am hoping to talk about mental health and chronic illness by sharing my own journey but also offering any advice and support I may have to offer others in a similar situation.
I hope those of you who are old-time friends are still around to say hello to and to anyone who is new to me or my blog, hello! I promise to try and be upbeat as much as I can, but sometimes you just have to be truthful.
Its nearly two months since my trip to Berlin with Jet2CityBreaks, but it is a trip that is still on my mind and definitely left it's imprint. You can have a look at my post about my time there and my advice for visiting with children, today I wanted to post a photo roundup of my trip, sharing those photos that haven't made any of my posts but that still sum up my fantastic weekend.
Berlin - a city with such a harrowed history, most of which has taken part in just the last century. It has never been somewhere I've ever considered visiting and yet from the moment I stepped outside our hotel, the NH Collection Friedrichstrasse, something grabbed me and didn't let go. I recently attended a three day trip to Germany's capital city with Jet2Citybreaks, flying on its inaugural flight from Leeds/Bradford airport to Berlin Schonefeld, and I have to say it was a trip I will never forget.
Having children is both a blessing and a test of your will, but there is something to be said about having boys that makes you turn grey long before you should. I always dreamt of having both sexes and have been fortunate that I got my wish, but nobody really warned quite what to expect when that boy came along. So here's a few words of warning from me to you about the perils of the male of the species.
Here you are, with your three a four year old, ready to take those next steps of parenting and give your child their first taste of life without you guiding them or waiting in the next room when they bump their heads. You've received that email or letter letting you know which school will be privileged with teaching your little angel and you're getting yourself ready for September when the big day will arrive. But what's next? What do you actually need to do now the confirmation has been received?
I was warned when I complained about the terrible twos that threes were even worse. But as I battled with tantrums, refusal do as I asked and fights to get dressed on a morning, I had no idea what was in store for me just around the corner. Ladies and gentleman I introduce...The Threenager.
Two weeks ago saw me returning to the working world for the first time in six years - before Holly was born, when we emigrated to America. I have been so fortunate to be able to stay at home with my two and be such a huge part of their lives whilst they have been little but I was more than ready to put myself out there again.
Let me tell you about Holly and Jack. They are normal kids - hyperactive, cheeky and constantly on the go. Holly is five and is always wanting to know more, she can usually be found creating pictures at her pink desk and lately has got a thing for tidying up. Jack is a three year old whirlwind, having found his voice a little later than his sister he now never stops chatting, as well as running, jumping and regularly returning to mummy with a new bruise. Both children are happy, healthy and looked after.
But behind closed doors life isn't always normal. Often they wake and are left to entertain themselves for an hour or so on a morning; their questions of 'play with me mummy' are regular answered with a 'no' and occasionally they spend an hour or two in an afternoon in their bedrooms with unhealthy snacks and their iPads. Why? Because their mummy has a chronic illness.
Life as a child who has a parent with a lifelong illness isn't always normal. They can sometimes come second to the illness's needs, they learn to be more independent at a young age and grow to understand that when mummy is tired she can't colour or bake or jump. Which is often. But they also grow to be more understanding, compassionate and sensitive to the needs of others.
But every now and again these children need a break too. They need to visit a world where they can explore at their will without being held back by anothers' illness. Where they can meet new friends, play till their hearts' content, discover new interests and fall into bed after their bedtime their tummies and minds full from a day spent carefree and uninhibited.
I have a wish that my children will grow up with a life full of exploration, adventure and freedom. despite my illness Because chronic illness doesn't just affect those who have it, it affects everyone. And everyone needs a break from time to time.
